I'm SAMANTHA/SAM/CARROT. Troll in specs, laugh like the world's ending and sarcasm-ception is my favorite storybook. A fangirl, a writer, a dreamer.
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
#justFYI some blog entry are private for some reasons. Though this is a bloody mundane blog and there isn't much to read but if I hadn't told you the password before, it means that you are either not that close to me or i am obviously talking about you. Other than that, hello. And bye.
Feel free to hop off, I don't mind. Remember to come back from tea someday~
"The Doctor's darkest hour. He will rise higher than ever before and then fall so much further."
"Number Two-hundred-and-ten."
It's the time of the year again isn't it?
The last day of the year.. People often say that today is the best time to reflect over the doings through the days in the year, and make resolution for changes in the upcoming year. Therefore, I'm here again, reflecting through the year and to say goodbye to the things I could have done better and to thanksgiving to the people who have been there with me this year and the things that they do that would impact my life.

This year, have been a year full of ups and downs. Many thing have began to make visible changes and inevitably I have changed too. Through the year, there were many events that have happened that makes me cringe in embarrassment or in self-despair, yet there were many memories that were made during the process that makes my heart felt warm and will always be kept in my mind as my fuel for motivation in times of despair and uncertainty.

I had hit the final year of my diploma life in Temasek Polytechnic this year. If I were to say that I wasn't feel a sense of dread for the upcoming graduation in may, I would have been cheating the world and myself. I have been trying to work things out well this year but procrastination have been biggest devil in my life and I am shamed to say that I always succumb to its temptation to kick back and relax for awhile or it doesn't hurt to work it out tomorrow instead. Procrastination, therefore, made my first term of the final year a big living hell when I was working through projects. My grades wasn't fantastic, but because of that, it wasn't the best either. I had always wonder if it's too late to work it out right again with the next upcoming modules through my three years but only to realize by the time when I was in the lab getting ready for the supplementary paper  NMM that I no longer have time. I was only left with my internship and my major project to set things out right.

Thankfully my internship turn out fine, despite me dreading to go to work due to the mundane task I was sent to. he people there were nice to me and I have to admit that even though the assigned task was mundane, I had still enjoy the companion of my colleague at work. Daniel, the ever joking supervisor sitting directly in front of me, is always late for his appointment meetup. Honestly, I was worried that he might be the kind who would be extremely strict even with a smiley face but thankfully, he wasn't. Veemal, the CEO who could never call my name right and gives creepy smile when walking down the cricking stairs. He was the man who made us smile on the first day with cheesy smile and optimistic talks. He ended up being the man that we thought Daniel was, yet we learn a lot from him. Nandar, the sweet new accountant that took over Ann became the best lunch buddy due to the small age gap. Always finding way to kill time together in the ever empty first floor was never something I would forget. Finally, there was Nitshant and Damon, who I only managed to know them for a month or two. They were nice though I keep escaping silly work loads from them more than often. This people are the ones I would really give thanks to for my internship and for my first mini step into the really working industry.

Major project thats on the go on is really... I don't know how I could describe but definitely it's not on par yet. I hope we could work this out well and good enough and really thank you for the two of them who is working with me all this while. Liying might have been the most spaced out person but she does have her positive points. Syakina have been the one who have accompany me through the three years in TP. We might not have been the closest people together in school, but having her accompanying me through the years was really comforting to me. Hope we would remain friends for a long time.

Other than my happenings in school, many changes was done with my personal growth and with the way I interact with the people around me. I would just want to say thanks to the people around me for tolerating me, and also sorry if I have hurt you in any way that I didn't realize.

Joyce, the friendsister who have been with me for half a decade, thank you for never giving up on the friendship even though I have ignored your tender feelings for multiple times, making you feel so terrible inside. You always told me that sorry was never the thing that you wanted to hear whenever we touh the topic the old-doings and insist on looking ahead. Probably you would't have realize this, but you are really the most courageous friend I have met so far. Despite knowing that by turning away, it wouldn't have hurt that much but you face it head on. Not many people could do that and I admire you for that. Thank you for being the one there for me when I need a person to rant my unhappiness or spill the beans of joy. Sorry I haven't done the same back to you when you needed someone with you. From this very moment onwards, I'll work harder to understand you alright? BFF yo. :)

Dawn, the crazy angsty jrock-turn-kpop buddy that I would give anything for, thank you for appearing in my life though I should thank Joyce instead since she is our mutual friend to begin with. Babe, it might sound cheesy and lesbian-ish but you were the light in my life this year. Many memories I had this year was all created by you and Joyce. I couldn't ask more to have you both in my life. You are always there to care for the people around you but you never did cared much for yourself. How selfless can one get? Please take care of yourself too dear, Joyce and I will worry a lot. 船到桥头自然直 so babe, please don't worry so hard and make yourself all squirmy about university. We can all make it! From now onwards, lets work hard together alright? だいすく 友達 (pardon me for my 'half-bucket-of-water' japanese. >//< you know what i mean.)

Queenie, my wife for the past 13 years, thank you for being there though at a point of time we didn't talk and it killed you so badly. I am sorry for being a coward this year and leaving you hanging on your own. I bet I missed out a lot in your life right? Like your graduation, and your first job and everything else. Even your birthday. I'm so sorry babe and I hope I could mend them back through the years. Thanks for listening to my nonsense through the years. Even though I'm the older one, but it seems like you are the one always clear of what to do, and where to led us in our next decision. Babe, what should I even do without you. Thank you so much and i love you so so much.

Merrilyn, my soulmate. You have gotten yourself a boyfriend this year uh? Congratulations on finding your other half after the many worry halfs you went through through the years. It was sad that we had drifted so much and it hurt quite a bit when you didn't realize that in a way or another. I was really mad at you and all through the year but now I would like to say this: sorry for making you feel miserable too when I was throwing you the silly cold shoulder for a couple of months. I was really childish and felt like my bestie was being snatched away when you spend more time with your boyfriend than hanging out with the clique of us. I only came to realize that it was difficult for you and for me cause we all will change and grow up eventually. The procedure just happen to speed up a little too fast because you found a boyfriend and a job that cause you to make you step a couple of steps ahead of me. Sorry for that, and thank you for trying to accommodate to my crazy doings. We are still soulmates right? Hope things hadn't changed for the irreversible worse! Thank you and sorry!

Shiming and Fareha, the two inspirits buddies that came knocking at my door when I was hanging alone without anyone. You both are my joy of happiness, y' know? Despite knowing each other since last year, we only manage to get closer because of infinite. I should really thank those seven angels isn't it? Because of them I got to know a lot of people, and also because of them I got to know you babes! You guys are awesome, and I never fail to laugh till my cheeks hurt! Thanks babies, you guys will always be somewhere close in my heart. :)

Harry Potter Clique, we never did changed our names ever since that outing didn't we? Thanks for always popping a small message on whatsapp to check on everyone's doing. I would smile when I see messages from the chatgroup. You babes are great! All the best with school and work alright? I strongly believe in you guys. :)

Sam and Denise, I can't seem to separate you both. Maybe because you guys are always together, or maybe because I can't seem to not hear the other name from each person's mouth whenever I talk to you both. Your friendship makes me envious. Stay like this alright? I would talk to you guys more from now on! HEE.

Unglams and 村姑s, the crazy babes since secondary school. Half of my youth are dedicated to you peeps, running around in school and hiding away from demanding teachers. Those days are always worth remembering isn't it? I am glad to have you guys still with me after all this years. Lets stay as close as possible alright? Love you all loads.

To be honest, there are many more people I would love to give thanks to and say sorry yet action speaks louder than words isn't it? In 2012, many memories and regrets were created, let 2013 changed the bad for the good uh?

Thank you 2012, I'll be anticipating for 2013.
"Number two-hundred-and-nine."
Sometimes, I don't get why my brother has to go out till the wee hours of the night.

I do get the fact that he is now legal to do a lot of things, but I don't understand why must he go out till the wee hours of the night to prove the point that he is having fun. Maybe I'm a girl and I don't get the definition of having fun with friends meant staying up till 3-4am outside, drinking.

I end up blaming the friends that he hang out with. Especially that one friend that he's been with literally every single day.

Sigh, I am just worried.

My brother just don't see that.
"Number two-hundred-and-eight."
Its been a long while since I last blogged. Without me realizing it, it has been fourteen weeks since I first stepped into the company I'm in for internship. It has started off as a chore at first, I wasn't prepared for internship this early and to be honest, I would rather say I was intimidated. The idea of internship scares me actually. I was afraid that I wouldn't know what to do during work and eventually embarrass myself. Then as the days went by, I was terribly bored. I hadn't been quite happy with the work that I was assigned with. Marketing was all I do everyday here at work. I wish they would give me the job that they had once told me and my friend that we were going to work on - creating a campaign for a product. Yet, nevertheless, I wouldn't deny that I was good at what they gave me though I strongly dislike it. Now that I'm at the final lap of my internship, there was this weird sense of nostalgia in me. I know I would miss this company. Not for the work of course(I'm not a masochist) but for the people here. The supervisor is a nice man while I became close with my lunch buddy colleague. They are the people that made this internship somewhat enjoyable. Of course, I had my whatsapp group to last my time here when I am doing nothing. Joyce and Dawn, the two person who have brighten my time so much ever since.. lets not mention anymore. I promise myself to move on. It's funny how you could easily relate to people who you ain't that close instead of those who you have been close to for one-third of your life. But sometimes, things just happens. Not that I would like to have a play and preview then erase what I dislike off my life. Well, I just hope things go well.
"Number two-hundred-and-seven."
Its scary to know how fragile life can be.

It was just a few weeks ago when he posts something silly on facebook; a few days ago since he talk to his besties or hangout in school; and only a few hours since he end his chapter on earth. He had been a friends' friend of mine, an acquaintance that i know and i never got the chance to get personal with but if i could know him better, he would have been a really good friend. Seeing all the facebook messages on his death stings and chokes me a little. He is only nineteen, barely passed the twenty mark. Life have so much more to offer to him and he is loved by the people around him, yet he could not enjoy and share the joy and sorrow of what he have experience with them.

It just scares me, and i'm overwhelm with this sense of dread. I had never really face death much in my life, other than my late aunt. Though i dont really know him, i had hope he wouldnt have end up like this. There is really so much he could do and achieve. He had yet to graduate, yet to enjoy the woes of internship, gone off for a torturous journey in national service, and much more.

Regrets always comes along in a package.

I regretted not being active in knowing him even though he is an acquaintance. Its sad, cause he wouldnt be around anymore. I can never get that chance.

Rest in peace, Issac Tng, the one whom i want to know but will no longer get the chance to. Hope that you are fine up there.
"number two-hundred-and-six."
Well I am pissed again, how fun. I realise she is getting on my nerves a lot after she got together with her boyfriend. I know I changed too because I became rather unreasonable with her but I think she might need to stop thinking that I accept anything and everything that she say. Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting up with my clique of secondary school friends and she was suppose to come. Take note of the suppose. Apparently, whatever appointment she has clashes with the event and guess what? Imagine if I didn't throw a message on whatsapp, I wouldn't have known. Talk about last minute, talk about initiative. She has the first, none of the last. God bless her, I can't be bothered to meet her already. I don't even feel like helping her with her birthday anymore. I feel so taken for granted all the time. Her boyfriend is enough, definitely. I bet by next year, she will be the last to wish me happy birthday while I do shit for hers. Screw you. Not going to lock this up. The only ones who knew the password are only laura, ranjanni and joyce. Funny that I update literally everyone about myself but her. Oh whatever. Read all you want, if you even know my blog's existance. I am sick of know everything about you and know nothing about me. Take about being best friends uh? It sucks to be us.
"Number two-hundred-and-five."
"number two-hundred-and-four."
I had thought about doing a quick entry here before I fall into the mundane process of doing homework, with a question running in my head.

So, how many seconds does one have in their life?

For example, a man has a life span of eighty years. A day have twenty-four hours, and an hour has sixty minutes. That, would meant that a day, has a thousand four hundred and fourty minutes. Now, a minute has sixty seconds, so that would mean that a day has eighty-six thousand and four hundred seconds.

So, if a day has eighty-six thousand and four hundred seconds, so a year - 365days - would then have
thirty-one million, five hundred and thirty-six thousand seconds. Then multiple this humongous sum of seconds with eighty years, that would be 2522880000 seconds. Sounds like a lot eh?

Maybe man have done the math of their life before, that would then explain why there is so many of us wasting our life away when we could have done something useful or beneficial to people or ourselves in the previous second.

Seize the day, translated from Carpe Diem, quoted from Yong Junghyung of BEAST was something inspiring. To be able to make full use of what you have and be contented with it then live life to the fullest everyday is something that everyone wants to achieve but yet held their own hesitations and uncertainties. It is almost enticing to see how people often lecture others about how they should not be wasting their time drinking or fooling around while they procrastinate the moment they met an obstacle.

How can we stop that? Nobody knows.
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